


Do You Feel What I Feel?

by orphan_account



Series: Heronchild Fics [5]
Category: Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy - Cassandra Clare, The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Ballroom Dancing, Boys Kissing, Drunkenness, F/M, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Nervousness, Public Display of Affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 12:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9323846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "“Jamie,” Matthew spoke a minute later, voice soft. He took James’s chin in his thumb and fingers, making James look at him. Matthew’s eyes were dark and steady, unlike James’s which glimmered with tears. James’s lip trembled, feelings tumbling over him like a tidal wave, making him feel like he was drowning. "A universe in which James and Matthew are not expelled from the Shadowhunter Academy.





	

James stepped into the doorway of the ballroom, and immediately froze. James’s bright gold eyes shifted uneasily around the spacious room, taking in the sweeping dancers, the chandelier sending light patterns onto the flowery wallpaper and reflecting on the girls’ fancy dresses. It was much different than the dreary Shadowhunter Academy that he was used to. James adjusted his bowtie and took a deep breath. Finally he found Christopher, standing by the refreshments with Thomas. He quickly strode towards his cousin, dodging out of the way of couples. From over here he could see the musicians. A fast paced, joyous melody was streaming out from the small stage area, and James could see now who was producing it. He recognized his Uncle Jem, looking out of place in his Silent Brother robes, blissfully playing his violin.

  
“Hey,” James greeted as he stepped up beside the two cousins. Christopher’s lavender eyes were dreamy as usual, his brown locks only a bit more tamed than normal. Thomas, on the other hand, was fidgety with nerves, one of his hands tightly gripping a glass of punch and the other one stuffed in his pocket. James could relate.

  
“Hi,” Thomas replied. “Crazy, isn’t it, how fancy everyone is?”

  
“Yes, quite,” Christopher spoke airly. “Tell me again, what are we doing here?” Thomas sighed his characteristic, aggrieved sigh, a hand running through his hair.

  
“Celebrating, Christopher,” Thomas said weakly. The older boy hated crowds, and James was sure that he was itching to get back to his dorm.

  
“Celebrating,” Christopher repeated. “What a waste. I should be working on my new bomb. I had these plans to make it almost silent, but smell horribly…” James raised his eyebrows at Thomas as Christopher began mumbling incoherently to himself about something scientific. Christopher then ran out of the ballroom as if he had left his stove on, and James scooted closer to Thomas.

  
“Have you seen Matthew?” James inquired. Matthew had left for the party way earlier than James, in a storm of shiny dress shoes and perfectly combed hair. He hadn’t seen his pale-haired friend yet, but he was sure that it was just a matter of time.

  
“I thought I saw him dancing earlier, but I’m not sure,” Thomas replied. James had assumed as much. Matthew loved dancing, of course, as much as all of the girls at the academy would have loved to dance with him. The boys were in a peaceful silence for a moment, observing the room. “Is that… Professor Fell?” Thomas sounded shocked. James looked in the same direction as his aghast friend. Sure enough, the green-skinned professor was all fancied up, spinning a blue-skinned warlock around the dance floor.

  
“And Ms. Loss,” James affirmed. James grinned suddenly as he saw the pale, pretty face of a girl appear in the crowd. She appeared to be trying to reach them. James took Christopher’s shoulders and spun him around to face him. He quickly straightened Thomas’s tie and rubbed a spot off of his jaw, before turning him around to face the approaching girl, even as Thomas yelped in protest. James turned toward the table, pretending to get some punch. Thomas straightened up as the girl smiled up at him.

  
“Hi Thomas!” James was silently cheering. For at least a month, Thomas had been fancying Jane Highsmith, never being able to work up the courage to actually talk to her. Tonight, James knew, was the perfect chance for them to get together so that Thomas would quit with his continual whining about how pretty she was. James supposed he could see that. Her curling blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders and back, almost concealing the delicate lacing of her yellow dress. James nudged Thomas in the back with his elbow. Thomas cleared his throat, setting his punch down on the table.

  
“Hello, Jane. Would you, um, like to dance?” he asked tentatively. Jane’s smile brightened considerably, her blue eyes shining.

  
“Yes!” She took Thomas’s hand and swept him out to the floor. James turned, a smile on his face as he watched his friend trip on his own feet. He took a sip of his punch as his thoughts wandered back to Matthew. He didn’t know what had been up with him lately, but he seemed to be avoiding James. When they were together, Matthew barely spoke. A voice shocked James out of his thoughts.

  
“Jamie!” Matthew appeared in James’s vision. A wide smile was on his face, and James slowly realized that his best friend was a little bit tipsy.

  
“Woah, there,” James placed his drink on the table, putting his hands on his friend’s shoulders to stabilize him. Matthew was still grinning, white teeth almost blinding. “Are you okay?”

  
“Oh, Jamie, I’m perfect!” James had always suspected that Matthew was a happy drunk, but he hadn’t realized how insane he really would be. His words weren’t slurring, though, so James knew that he wasn’t completely drunk. A face appeared over Matthew’s shoulder, the mean visage of Alastair Carstairs.

  
“Sorry about your boyfriend,” Alastair grinned evilly. “We didn’t realize how much of a lightweight he was,” James opened his mouth to yell at him, but a short redhead in a pink dress appeared next to Alastair, tugging at his wrist.

  
“Hey, James,” She greeted, and James realized that this was Cordelia Carstairs, his sister’s penpal. “Sorry about him,” James just watched silently as she dragged her brother away.

  
Matthew was looking a little more sobered, but still drunk enough to grab James’s arm, and drag him into the crowd of dancing people. James’s face reddened as he realized that Matthew was dancing with him.

  
“Matthew!” James hissed, trying to pull away, but Matthew was too strong. “What are you doing?”

  
“Dancing, Jamie,” Matthew replied nonchalantly. “I’ve always wanted to dance with you.”

  
“Okay, you are so drunk,” James tried once again to get out of Matthew’s hold, but Matthew just tugged him back in tighter than before. The song was very bubbly, an infectious rhythm spilling off of Jem’s violin. James found himself actually smiling as he let himself slip into a dance with Matthew, laughing as Matthew took James’s hand and spun him. James was shocked at himself as he realized how easy it was for him to do this with Matthew, how natural it was. Matthew was an exceptional dancer, light on his toes, thin frame moving in time with the song. James wasn’t as much of a natural as Matthew was, but he realized that if he just listened to the song, his body told him what to do.

  
James was tiring a bit, and as the song slowed down he realized that he was actually dismayed that it was over. He and Matthew were dangerously close, a hair from an embrace. In his euphoria, he hadn’t realized how the crowd had thinned, and people were now leading their dates onto the floor for a slow dance. A bubble was around the two boys, a crowd or two observing them with interest. James didn’t protest as Matthew snuck his arms around James, because it just may have been the best feeling he had ever experienced. Better than new books, clean spectacles, or his sister’s laugh. Better than slaying a demon, the institute roof at sunset, or a new set of gleaming throwing knives. James worked up the nerve to look up at Matthew, surprised to see that his friend’s green eyes were completely clear, any trace of his previous drunkenness gone. They swayed silently to the calm music. A harsh voice shook them out of their reverie.

  
“Look at that, Goatface Herondale is queer after all!” The jeering voice happened to come from none other than Alastair Carstairs, accompanied by howls and cackles from his friends. All of the couples ceased dancing, heads turning in their direction. Matthew froze, his arms going limp around James. James’s heart thumped in his throat. Even the violin had died away, voices hushed whispers. James was dying to vanish into a shadow, but he knew that he couldn’t, not with all of these people watching.

  
He gave Matthew one last look, tears stinging his eyes, before darting away from him. A path parted for him straight to the doors, and he took it gladly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Once he was out into the dark corridor he ran a little bit farther down the hallway. He heard footsteps behind him, surely Matthew’s. James saw a door cracked open, so he slipped through it. It led out into the courtyard, a small patch of green grass surrounded on all sides by the dark-stoned institute. He collapsed to his knees, shoulders hunched over. James’s breath was coming in shudders, silent sobs wracking his body. Matthew crouched in front of James a second later, a hand on James’s cheek. In the bright moonlight, James was sure that Matthew could see the large tears that slid down his dark eyelashes and splashed onto his dress pants. James felt himself lean into Matthew, letting himself be comforted.

  
“Jamie,” Matthew spoke a minute later, voice soft. He took James’s chin in his thumb and fingers, making James look at him. Matthew’s eyes were dark and steady, unlike James’s which glimmered with tears. James’s lip trembled, feelings tumbling over him like a tidal wave, making him feel like he was drowning. Matthew’s chest hurt as he looked at his friend, so troubled and confused. Silver tear tracks shone on James’s clear skin, and Matthew brushed them away.

“Do you feel what I feel?” Matthew whispered. James’s breath caught as he watched Matthew look down at James’s lips, and then back up to him. James didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know if he could even speak.

  
“I-” He began to stammer, but Matthew cut him off with his lips. Their noses brushed briefly, before Matthew turned his head to allow a better angle. James’s eyes fluttered closed as he felt warmth spring up in his veins. He suddenly felt restless, his hands moving from his lap to cup Matthew’s face. He hesitantly moved his lips, and Matthew smiled into the kiss, before pulling away. The kiss had only lasted about 5 seconds, far too short for James. A little noise of displeasure escaped him, yearning to feel Matthew’s lips on his again. Matthew took James’s hand into his. James decided that this was almost as good, though, because now he could see Matthew’s lips, which were a little wet. A hand seemed to grab at James’s gut, pulling him towards Matthew. James took a shaky breath, all of the air knocked out of him as he realized his sudden attraction towards Matthew. Matthew always had been a literal ray of sunshine, but now it was like James was being blinded by it. His heart thumped, eyes focusing on the dark grass.

  
“I’m gay,” He said, out loud, the words ringing in his ears. Matthew snorted. James looked up, his brow creasing.

  
“Yeah- no, really?” Matthew grinned. “Come here,” Matthew captured James in a grounding hug, and James held on tightly to Matthew’s shoulders. He breathed in Matthew’s scent, feeling his soft blond hair tickling his cheek. James eventually pulled away, rising to his knees. Matthew looked up at James’s face, illuminated in the moonlight. It had a surprising effect on James, to be above Matthew. Matthew ran his hands up James’s sides and over his shoulder blades. He slowly leaned back into the grass, pulling James with him by the front of his jacket. James made a surprised squeaking noise, before scrambling off of Matthew’s chest and propping himself up with his palms. Matthew made a noise of amusement, a hand sliding in between James’s thighs and running up the inside of the one closer to him. James’s face heated up quickly. Matthew pulled James’s leg up and over himself so that James was straddling him. James bit his lip as he realized what Matthew was doing. He forced his eyes away from Matthew’s lips and saw that his eyes were burning with the same kind of desire that James felt crawling beneath his skin.

  
He lowered himself to his forearms and brushed his lips with Matthew’s, a small moan escaping him as the feeling of euphoria returned. Matthew hummed with delight as he ran his palms up both sides of the wiry body he loved so much. James was getting the hang of kissing now, sighing at the blissful feeling of Matthew’s fingers tangling in his curls. He frowned as he felt a drop of wetness land on his cheek. He pulled away, breathless, holding a hand out. James was perched above Matthew, not letting all of his weight settle on him but enough to make Matthew itch for more. Sure enough, a few more drops of rain fell onto his upturned palm. He glanced down at Matthew, who was just staring up at James. His pupils were oddly dilated, and he had an expression of extreme irritation written on his face.

  
“We should go inside,” James stated. Matthew’s eyebrows raised, for James hadn’t moved an inch.

  
“We should?” Matthew asked, his voice low and gravelly. James shivered, now that he wasn’t touching Matthew he realized that a chill had settled throughout the darkness.

  
“We…” James trailed off, and Matthew yanked James back down on top of him, a searing kiss sending tingles down James’s spine.

*****

The sun shone brightly over the front of the institute. Spring Break was here, a week for students to go home and visit their parents. Matthew again felt himself fill up with excitement as he thought about how he would be going to London this year with James, and not just back to Idris. Sure, he missed his mother and father and his brother, but James. Matthew bit his lip, imagining the messy-haired Herondale who was his boyfriend. Sure, nobody knew about them (Matthew had a suspicion that Thomas knew), but he still loved to call him that.

  
Matthew looked around again. Where was James? Students milled around everywhere, waiting for their parents to arrive. Matthew felt a finger tap on his arm, and as he turned, he was met with a warm mouth on his, and arms wrapped around his neck. Matthew gasped, freezing as he recognized James’s smell and the curve of his lips. He was recovering from his shock, acutely aware of all of the eyes on him. He even heard a gasp or two. Matthew disconnected the kiss, opening his eyes to meet the bright golden eyes looking at him. He raised his head and glanced around a bit. Surely enough, every single person was staring at them with wide eyes and open mouths. He saw Thomas’s brilliant smile standing out in the crowd. Matthew breathed shakily, the realization of what had just happened sinking through him like a stone.

  
“Matthew,” James spoke, his voice bringing Matthew away from his worsening train of thought. James’s smile was dazzling, golden eyes as bright as the sun. It was a smile that spoke of complete and utter joy. It was infectious, and Matthew felt himself catching the bug. The other students fell away, and all that Matthew knew was his love for the person before him.

**Author's Note:**

> Which is your favorite- smut or no smut? Let me know in the comments ;)


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